Tag Archives: Family

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Homeschool Mother’s Journal — 2/9/13

 

  • In my life this week… It’s been tough. My Uncle Brother died Wednesday night. We were at church attending Wednesday gathering and I got a Facebook message from one of his sons. I raced out of the hall to make sure someone had called my mother (her brother). One of my friends stumbled across me in the breezeway crying. And then our closing song was Sidewalk Prophets’ “Live Like That. I would suggest listening to it except that I can barely do it without sobbing hysterically, so take that advice as you will. Katie had a devastatingly bad swimming lesson and we came home to discover that Peyton was lame. Our vet suggested taking her to the back up for the initial check because of the traffic, so she is being vetted by committee. We then got bad news about another friends’ dog and yet another dear friend had to make that final decision for her beloved cat. A friend said to me that I really need a calendar that doesn’t have February in it. I’m beginning to agree.
  • In our homeschool this week… it was all science fair all the time. And some math thrown in for diversity. We are a little over a week out and we are not ready. The experiment is done but the write up is going dreadfully. His science teacher has suggested that we might want to get him tested because he’s exhibiting a LOT of the signs of dysgraphia, and after a week where we barely have a sentence of the background paper written, I am inclined to agree. He’s dictated the whole thing to me with sources and everything, but even with the transcript in front of him he can’t write the words. He freezes.
  • Helpful homeschooling tips or advice to share… When you have the evidence in front of your eyes that something isn’t right, it’s time to take on the pediatrician and convince him that testing is necessary.
  • I am inspired by… Peyton. Even hopping along as she is, she is still ready to mix it up and get into anything she can.
  • Places we’re going and people we’re seeing… Katie made her first appearance in Sunday school since Dr. T said she could go. I think it went well, and she is looking forward to going back tomorrow. This week was zoo school. Ben learned about the colors of the rainforest. I knew we were in trouble when she wanted him to color a picture. He prefers to draw his own pictures now. This is a huge leap for him. I’ve been to Body Flow twice and man did I hurt after the second class. Katie went to a swimming lesson that was about as much of a disaster as it is possible for something to be.
  • My favorite thing this week was… Having Ben say, “no Mom, see it’s right here on this page in this book” when I was questioning something he wanted to put in his background paper.
  • What’s working/not working for us… Working: the iPad apps for Katie’s preK3 stuff. Not working: trying to wrap up this project. Ben loves the action but not the concluding. He’s going to be amazing if he can just relax and not freak out.
  • Questions/thoughts I have… One thing I learned during the last few days — shoeboxes are not acceptable storage for photos. I spent HOURS searching through them for a picture of my Uncle Brother with his sisters that I KNEW I had. I knew it.

    photo 2013-02-09193141_zps73b01917.jpg

  • Things I’m working on… Still trying to figure out how to find time to cross-stitch the frames for the project I am working on I have the February stitch pattern, and I’m not done with the frames. I’m not panicking (yes, I am).
  • I’m reading…Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers by Anne Lamott
  • I’m cooking… Nothing. The Stevens in me is apparently taking a holiday. Maybe I’ll feel more like it tomorrow.
  • I’m grateful for… having known Uncle Brother for the first 43 years of my life. He left a legacy that will not soon be forgotten. Peyton is not seriously injured. My mind went to horrible things when I saw her hop out of her kennel.
  • I’m praying for my family as we gather to say goodbye to one of the elders of the family. My friends who are losing beloved animal companions. …
  • A photo, video, link, or quote to share…

    • photo 2013-02-09105604_zps6991d3b5.jpg

This is part of the Homeschool Mother’s Journal blog hop. Go here if you want to see how others’ weeks went.

*As a caveat, the links are Amazon associate links. I finally figured out how to get into my Amazon associate account again.

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Mission Statement

One of my 3in30 goals for this month was to write a personal mission statement. I’ve felt, for a while, that having a touchstone of sorts that I can look to would help me better prioritize my days, my work, and my life. I used Mission Statements for Moms to help guide my process. I found her questions very logical and it helped me to get the ideas shaped up. Granted, this is a draft and it will likely change, but I came up with this as my mission statement:

I am a mother who creates a healthy, nurturing, fun environment for my children. I help them become their best selves and achieve their dreams.

I am a woman who strives to strengthen my relationship, who shares freely with others, and who works consistently to achieve my dreams and goals.

I am a wife who helps, encourages, and loves my husband. I remember our perspectives and experiences are different and appreciate those differences. I show love and affection for him daily.

I am a teacher who empowers my students to take charge of their own learning. I encourage students to do their best work and help them to succeed.

So, what do you think? Constructive feedback, observations, etc., are welcome. If you’re going to call me an idiot for doing this, just move along please.

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Seasons of a Mother’s Heart: Chapter 3

Synchronicity seems to be the name of the game for this chapter. I was on a trip this week for work and I took a long a different book The Not So Big Life by Sarah Susanka for reading on the plane. I know, I know, a real, paper book, but they don’t let you read e-readers during take off and touch down and that’s when I need to read the most. Anyway, this book touched on a number of topics including that people have a deep need for both belonging and significance. It also identifies the fact that people need time or space to be on their own for a bit to restore their deepest intuition/soul/being, whatever you choose to call it.

In the parenting course that P and I are taking Positive Parenting Solutions the absolute core principle of the course is that every person needs a sense of belonging and significance. Failure to provide those two things are what result in most of what we view as misbehavior. Since she talked about this part in the free seminar I attended, I don’t think I’m giving anything away here, but believe me when I say there is a lot more to the program and we’re really learning about ourselves and our parenting by doing this. You can also read her book, If I Have to Tell You One More Time… if you’d rather. The book is a condensed version of the course — a sort of desktop reference, if you will, but if that’s all you have time for I cannot recommend it highly enough.

The other thing that both Susanka and McCready talk about is the importance of time. McCready is focused on time with the child, but seems also to suggest that parents need some time to themselves as well. So imagine surprise when Clarkson also suggested that an important component of her life is her “alone” time. I found this somewhat surprising in the light of the last chapter where she was discussing the submission of will and the idea that she sacrifices for her family. It almost seems contradictory to me, but then I realized that it’s truly not.

We do make significant sacrifices in order to homeschool our children and to bring them up in the way that we want them to go, and to some degree or another one of those sacrifices is our ambition or some of our personal/professional goals. But it doesn’t mean a total sacrifice of self. As she pointed out in this chapter, even Jesus took a break from the multitudes once in a while.

When I think about that I realize that it’s okay that sometimes I need that break. I need that refreshment of spirit in order to be more available to my family and more able to demonstrate and embody the values that I want them to learn/absorb/practice. I need to learn to not feel guilty about being away from them and to focus on the refreshment and engagement with God that I seek as I take that time.

Books mentioned in this post:

To see how others are responding to this book check out Home with the Boys and the link-up at the bottom.

As always, links are amazon affiliate links and can make me a small amount of money if you decide to click on one of these links and purchase.

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The Best Laid Plans

Today is a day where a lot of plans are going topsy-turvy. The plan for the blog was to write a post about The Faculty Lounges by Naomi Schaefer Riley, but I don’t have the brain power to be all intellectual and marshal my arguments coherently. Why?

Well, I get migraines (among the other health challenges that I have) that make it really hard for me to think clearly. I’ve taken my meds (well, not the one that’s actually effective because it also knocks me out, and well, people frown on leaving a 6 year old in charge of the household). But I do teach like this. I do it all the time. The thing about being an online adjunct is that you teach regardless of how you feel or what’s going on around you (with some obvious exceptions: extended hospitalization; family death; etc.). But even with a family death, I’ve managed to teach my students. I was online from midnight to 3am every night handling things after my grandmother died in 2005. Why so late? Because I had to use dial-up and couldn’t connect during the day because I would tie up the phone lines and that wasn’t cool.

Also? My son is sick. The kind of sick where he’s sitting in chairs, refusing to eat because his tummy hurts, and taking naps. Remember, he’s six. He doesn’t take naps. He thinks naps are for babies (and mommies who are overworked) but not for him. So, he’s not really doing school, but I debuted the “new” thing for him last night and it worked to keep him quiet and resting. What new thing? Um, a stripped down, non-web accessing first generation iPod Touch. He hasn’t discovered that his music is on it yet. I’m waiting for him to get curious about that music note button. He also hasn’t discovered the videos that I put on it for him (a Word Girl, a Martha Speaks, an Arthur). He’s been obsessively playing TeachMe: 1st Grade. He gets frustrated with the handwriting portions because they expect him to be accurate with his letters, BUT I see a vast improvement in his handwriting after he plays (it’s also on the iPad), and it helps him with math and money management, so I consider it an all around win.

When you teach online there are certain things that you know you have to do every day. One of them is check in on the discussion boards. I try to do this a couple of times a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. If I can get the afternoon in, I consider it a bonus. On a day like today? I usually skip the morning check in. I have my work email forwarded to my home account, so if there’s a catastrophe, I’ll know about it from my inbox (which, of course, is on my phone, my iPad, and my computer). When the kids go to quiet time, I’d try to jam in a discussion board or two and then grade like the wind. At the school I currently work for, Monday is grade day. If I’m not done by Sunday, I’m way off schedule and usually panicking by this time. Of course, all of this is moot because I don’t teach the August session. Too many family obligations this month.

A day like today is a disaster from a planning and organization perspective. Kids who won’t eat. A mom who can’t really concentrate well. We have a dinner plan, but I don’t know for sure what it is. I think I’m supposed to be moving laundry around, but I’m not sure. Planning only covers us insofar as I can follow the plan.

I suspect this post doesn’t make a lot of sense. I’m okay with that. It’s kind of what the day around here is like :) .

Book mentioned in post:

As always: book links are Amazon affiliate links. I make practically nothing from those links, but if you want to buy something, you support my Amazon habit.

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Seasons of a Mother’s Heart: Chapter 2

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure how this chapter was going to go. I’m not convinced that I’ve ever heard a specific calling from God for me to do anything. I wonder sometimes if I don’t listen carefully enough or if I just don’t know what I’m supposed to be hearing. I believe, though, that my career trajectory happened the way that it did for a reason. That reason is so that I would be in a position to homeschool my children when they needed it.

If I had made it on the tenure-track somewhere, I would not have been able to take the time that Katie needed for her recovery. I would not have been able to slow down and design the way I want my career to blend with my home life. I do believe that what happens in my home is one of the most important things that happens in my day each day. My connections to my children and what they learn from me about the world, about God, and about His place in their life cannot be replicated elsewhere. If I had made it on the tenure-track there is a very good chance that Katie would have to have a second surgery just before she turned five, but because I homeschool, because I chose differently, throughout my career trajectory, she gets an extra year. It allows me to make a curriculum that interests and intrigues my son and find resources that teach my daughter at the speed she is capable of.

I know that part of my resistance to this chapter is the sense of submission which is a hard word for me to accept intellectually. This is an area that I struggle with daily: the notion of submission to God’s will and accepting that he has a plan for my life that may not look like my plan. Of course, I’m a lousy planner, so some divine guidance would really be appreciated. I have found that choosing this path is seen as criticism of other paths that I didn’t choose. It can be challenging to cope with that, at times, but that’s where I lean on the rock and hope that I answer graciously and kindly.

I think what sticks with me most from this chapter: “The biggest sacrifice for me has been in the areas of relationships and harmony” (Clarkson, 2009, p. 50).

Following this path has led to strain in some relationships. It has caused some disharmony where harmony previously existed. We don’t quite fit in anywhere anymore and, for me, that’s okay if a little sad. I feel for the kids, though, when the inevitable school discussions happen and they say they homeschool. Most kids either don’t know what that means or think that they do and offer up their interpretation of what the kids do. It’s usually not accurate and we have to have conversations about others’ assumptions afterward.

All that said, I love this path. I love this life. It’s hard. It takes time, dedication, and sacrifice, but I wouldn’t change it. Not for a second.

If you’re interested in others’ reactions to this chapter, please go check out this link.

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Seasons of a Mother’s Heart: Chapter 1

My new motto, also? Two section headings from chapter 1: “Choose to be thankful” (p. 34) and “learn to be content” (p. 36).

When I decided to read this book and “join” this book club, I wondered if I was going to “fit” with it. By this, I mean that I’m a thinker and an arguer by nature. My relationship with God is characterized by struggle. Nothing about my faith journey has been easy, and I don’t suspect that will change at this stage in the game. People for whom faith comes easily have my envy and my respect simultaneously. I wish it could be that “easy” for me, but it is not and I’ve come to see that there are many different kinds of relationship with God (actually, though reading the Bible in 90 days last year) and that there are those who have my sort of relationship and it’s okay.

What resonated with me in this chapter, what made me stop and say, wait, it’s not always that easy for her either was her descriptions of her vision/expectation of events and the reality of those events. The Christmas cookies stood out for me because that’s me. I go into things full of expectation of how it will go and the things that will happen, and when things don’t happen according to my plan, I come a little unglued. Okay. A lot unglued.

And even though I know that countless women have gone through the same thing before me, for some reason, this time, reading it in this book made it click. It’s not about the cookies or the chapter in the math book or the spelling words or the way the painting looks. It’s about the moments that I’m spending with my children doing these things. Those are the moments that I should be and am thankful for. It’s those moments that are “God sightings” (to use the phrase that Ben learned in VBS this year). Those messy, crazy, sometimes awful moments are just as much God’s doing as the moments when Ben or Katie shows me in some way how much they love me.

What I know I have to work on now is contentment. I need to learn to be content with circumstances as they are, as God has presented them to me, and accept. It sounds so easy, but I know that this will be the hardest work that I do as a mother and as a person. It takes an astounding amount of faith to accept all that happens as God’s will, God’s choosing, God’s timing, and believe that it is as it was meant to be.

About ten years ago, P and I had some serious relationship troubles. The kind that led to a trial separation. One of the things that I learned during that separation is that my expectations tend to be too high for anyone to meet and so I am always disappointed. When we were working on bringing ourselves back together (which clearly we did), I repeatedly reminded myself that I needed to have no expectations of how something would go or what something would be. Somewhere in the last few years, I’ve lost sight of that and chapter 1 has reminded me that I need to get back to the place where I have no expectations (well, I’m going to stick to always expecting that we’ll live through the day because that gives me peace, but otherwise).

How much better could our lives be if, instead of setting insanely high expectations for ourselves and our children and our homeschool, we accepted each day as it comes — as the gift that it is from God?

That’s my goal, and and that’s what I learned from reading chapter 1 of Seasons of a Mother’s Heart.

If you want to know what others who are reading the book learned from chapter 1, please visit Home With the Boys and check out the links.

*As always, where possible book links are to my affiliate account at Amazon. Every little bit helps when it comes to homeschool materials.

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Spring Reading Thing 2011 — May Update

I heard about this at No Ordinary Moments and thought that this sounded like just the thing to get me reading a bit more and dodging a bit less. This was the line my initial blog post on this subject started with and, for the most part, I was right. I find myself reading more. The problem is I got hooked on a couple of series books while I was on break and ended up reading whole series that have nothing to do with my intended reading list. I’ve noticed that I dodge the religious books and the relationship books pretty seriously. Not sure what to make of that. I’m adding one book to the religious list and removing one and we’ll see how that works out. Anyway, this is the original list with any deletions/additions noted.

Fiction

The Sherlockian finished

Already Home finished

These Things Hidden

The Pioneer Woman: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels – A Love Story finished

Work

How Learning Works: Seven Research-Based Principles for Smart Teaching(almost half-way on this one)

Academically Adrift: Limited Learning on College Campuses

The Skillful Teacher: On Technique, Trust, and Responsiveness in the Classroom

Parenting

The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose, and Sanity

Honey, I Wrecked the Kids: When Yelling, Screaming, Threats, Bribes, Time-outs, Sticker Charts and Removing Privileges All Don’t Work abandoned

Connected Parenting: Transform Your Challenging Child and Build Loving Bonds for Life finished

Raising Able: how chores cultivate capable confident young people

The Happiest Mom (Parenting Magazine): 10 Secrets to Enjoying Motherhood Finished

Religious

Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life

The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict  abandoned (for now)

The Ministry of Motherhood: Following Christ’s Example in Reaching the Hearts of Our Children (reading for GoodMorningGirls book club)

Self-Improvement

Organizing Your Day: Time Management Techniques That Will Work for You finished

Reluctant Entertainer, The: Every Woman’s Guide to Simple and Gracious Hospitality (more than half-way on this one)

Clutter Rehab: 101 Tips and Tricks to Become an Organization Junkie and Love It!

Relationships

Every Day Love: The Delicate Art of Caring for Each Other

ScreamFree Marriage: Calming Down, Growing Up, and Getting Closer

Spousonomics: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage, and Dirty Dishes

Hobbies

Out of the Box: Unleash Your Creativity Through Quilts (That Patchwork Place)finished

Expressive Photography: The Shutter Sisters’ Guide to Shooting from the Heart (about a 1/3 in on this one)

Allie Aller’s Crazy Quilting: Modern Piecing & Embellishing Techniques for Joyful Stitching finished

This is the link to Spring Reading Thing 2011 if you’re interested in doing this, too. There’s still time to join in if you want to. One thing I may do is eliminate all reading from my kindle that isn’t on this list. I can always put it back later.

*All links on this post are Amazon Associate links. I make virtually nothing doing this, but it makes a small dent in my amazon habit, which is clearly quite large.

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Spring Reading Thing 2011

I heard about this at No Ordinary Moments and thought that this sounded like just the thing to get me reading a bit more and dodging a bit less. Except for the hobby books (and Meagan Francis’ book), these are all Kindle books. I’m reading by category this time around so, here’s my plan:

Fiction

The Sherlockian

Already Home finished

These Things Hidden

The Pioneer Woman: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels – A Love Story

Work

How Learning Works: Seven Research-Based Principles for Smart Teaching

Academically Adrift: Limited Learning on College Campuses

The Skillful Teacher: On Technique, Trust, and Responsiveness in the Classroom

Parenting

The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose, and Sanity

Honey, I Wrecked the Kids: When Yelling, Screaming, Threats, Bribes, Time-outs, Sticker Charts and Removing Privileges All Don’t Work abandoned

Connected Parenting: Transform Your Challenging Child and Build Loving Bonds for Life

Raising Able: how chores cultivate capable confident young people

The Happiest Mom (Parenting Magazine): 10 Secrets to Enjoying Motherhood Finished

Religious

Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life

The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict

Self-Improvement

Organizing Your Day: Time Management Techniques That Will Work for You

Reluctant Entertainer, The: Every Woman’s Guide to Simple and Gracious Hospitality

Clutter Rehab: 101 Tips and Tricks to Become an Organization Junkie and Love It!

Relationships

Every Day Love: The Delicate Art of Caring for Each Other

ScreamFree Marriage: Calming Down, Growing Up, and Getting Closer

Spousonomics: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage, and Dirty Dishes

Hobbies

Out of the Box: Unleash Your Creativity Through Quilts (That Patchwork Place)

Expressive Photography: The Shutter Sisters’ Guide to Shooting from the Heart

Allie Aller’s Crazy Quilting: Modern Piecing & Embellishing Techniques for Joyful Stitching

This is the link to Spring Reading Thing 2011 if you’re interested in doing this, too.

*All links on this post are Amazon Associate links. I make virtually nothing doing this, but it makes a small dent in my amazon habit, which is clearly quite large.

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Ten Years Ago

this week was the worst week of my life.

On February 13, I received a phone call from my mother letting me know that my grandmother had passed away. I adored my grandmother. She taught me everything I know about football. She had fallen ill the previous summer and my sister went to Minneapolis to help out and then bring her back to Florida (amazing that my Minnesota native grandmother agreed to that move, but at 95, I think she decided it was the right thing to do). The story is that she brought Sam Anne II on the plane with her. After we got Sam, Phil and I found a stuffed puppy that looked remarkably like Sam and sent it to her, I have a great picture of Sam checking out Sam Anne II before she was put in the box. I flew in for a day at Thanksgiving to see her and came back for Christmas with Sam. That is a story in and of itself.

My father does not like animals. He does not like shedding. He does not like them in his space, etc., etc. Sam was almost three years old when my grandma moved in with my parents. Sam had never been in their house, but my grandmother was fascinated with Sam and she asked lots and lots of questions. I’m still not sure how it came about, but apparently Dad gave her the impression that Sam had been to the house many times and was much adored. So, that Christmas was a fascinating situation. He had two choices. Option A: let Sam come to the house; Option B: admit to his 95 year old mother (who was barely 5 feet tall and maybe 100 lbs soaking wet) that he lied. My father chose option A. Who would have imagined that my 60 some year old father would be more worried about admitting he lied than about having a dog in his house.

P met her Christmas day and she flirted with him. She really, really liked him.

She had congestive heart failure and had a bad episode in early January that landed her in a nursing home near my folks. She needed 24/7 care that my parents just weren’t able to provide.

And then she was gone.

And I was in Alabama and it felt like a million miles away from my family. P was living in Virginia so all I had was Sam. That’s not to suggest that only having Sam was a bad thing, but the poor dog wasn’t really sure how to handle all the tears. I considered driving home. But I was convinced that they weren’t going to do anything, so there was no need for me to do that.

And they didn’t. And they haven’t.

P drove back to Alabama to be with me because I was a total mess.

My grandmother would have turned 96 on February 18, 2001.

P and I are NASCAR fans, so that Sunday we decided to watch the Daytona 500.

I’m pretty sure if you’re a NASCAR person, you know where this is going.

I know a lot of people hated Earnhardt, Big E, the Intimidator. I didn’t. I loved his swagger. I loved his attitude. I loved the go big or go home approach. I remember watching him drive that day. I remember watching him guard that lead for his boys. I saw that car hit the wall and I knew he was gone. I knew it in my soul even though they didn’t announce it right away. And the crying started again. I cannot believe it has been ten years.

Here’s the thing, though, I’ve felt my grandmother and seen her presence in my life since she passed. A few months after she passed I met a person online who wrote some fantastic stories that I liked. We corresponded online for awhile and then for some reason I needed to mail her something. My grandmother’s apartment number was 1605. The first part of my new friend’s street address: 1605. And then I found out her real name some time later. Her first name is the same as my grandmother’s best friend’s first name. Ten years later, she and I are still friends and she’s probably trying to figure out whether to yell at me for bringing this up or laugh that I still believe we met because my grandmother orchestrated it.

Last summer, my son met an older boy at VBS who he took an instant liking to. I really liked the boy, too. He’s been a really good influence on Ben. Katie thinks he’s one of the greatest non-related people she knows. His birthday? February 18, 2001. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this young man entered Ben’s life and started setting an example that Ben wants to follow. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the first time Katie has ever taken to someone instantly is this young man. So, thanks Grandma.

I miss you. I love you.